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FUTURAMA

So, while the rest of the blogosphere gets flooded with reviews about TRANSFORMERS and the iPHONE, I’ll talk about a movie which I think no one has seen (or at least, people don’t intend to watch it intentionally).


Last Sunday, I got to watch NEXT, starring Nicolas Cage, Julianne Moore, and Jessica Biel. Interestingly enough, the story was based on the Philip K. Dick novel “The Golden Boy”. Which makes me wonder why Hollywood loves to raid Philip K. Dick’s library whenever they want to do some sci-fi story, which they’ll rewrite and revise it into an action movie.

Anyway, Cage finds himself back in Las Vegas and once again he’s leaving it. This time, he’s got super powers! He’s a mutant! Well… maybe. He’s a precog; meaning he’s got the fantastic ability to see into the future… he can see two minutes into his future. Instead of wearing a black leather outfit with an X on it, he decides to put on a bad suit and use his power to become a second-rate magician in Vegas. He also uses this power to win the occasional game at the casino.

Cage’s character (who’s named Cris Johnson, but since it’s such wussy name, I’ll just keep calling him Cage for the remainder of this review) reminds me of a little know mutant from the Marvel Universe. He was called Tick Tock and his pathetic power was he could see one minute into the future. He was a fat, bald guy who carried a gold pocket watch and he actually came in handy during battle, when he’d warn his teammates of what was going to happen in 60 seconds.

Tick Tock’s more powerful counterpart was Destiny, Mystique’s right hand man/woman, confidant, and strategist of the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants aka the Freedom Force. Destiny could see well beyond the 60 second or the 120 second time limit and they definitely gave the X-Men a hard time.

So, going back to NEXT (which could’ve been called “Gone in 120 Seconds”, but people might’ve gotten it confused with that other Cage movie).

The movie starts with a nifty chase sequence inside the casino and outside of it, which progresses into a car chase scene just like in “Gone in 60 Seconds”. It also becomes a great excuse to show off how Cage’s character uses his power.

We are then introduced to two plot points of the movie.

1. Cage keeps having this vision of this girl (Jessica Biel) enter this diner at a particular point in time. He doesn’t know when it happens, but he knows it’ll happen at that specific time. So, he keeps going to the bar at that time hoping he’ll meet her. Why? Because it must be destiny! (His words. Not mine.)

2. Julianne Moore plays this really hot FBI agent who’s so desperate to stop a bunch of terrorists who are planning to smuggle in and detonate a nuclear bomb that she tries to recruit Cage to track down the bad guys. (The terrorist squad looked like the left over heavies from DIE HARD 3. Their leader had a British accent; his second-in-command had a French accent, and they even had that token Asian guy who I thought was their martial arts expert but he got shot so we never find out.)

So, NEXT is actually, part love story, part action movie. So, the Hollywood pitch for this would be: It’s DIE HARD meets 24 meets DE JA VU (but in reverse) meets MINORITY REPORT (minus the bald girl and Tom Cruise) meets LEAVING LAS VEGAS meets… ummm… Nicolas Cage.

If you were stuck at home and you happened to see this playing on Cinemax and you watch it, you’d actually say it was a fun movie and that you were entertained by it. I actually liked it. I liked it better than that damned GHOST RIDER flick.

One amusing scene was how Cage survived getting shot at point blank range.
If you thought Neo already patented the whole “dodge the bullet move with my kung fu”, I think you’ll still get thrilled at what Cage does.

I just wonder if it could’ve been called something else aside from NEXT. Was it trying to ride on that whole “one word title” trend of TV shows like LOST, HEROES, SUPERNATURAL?

Hey! Wait a minute! Cage’s character is just like the Isaac Mendez character from HEROES. Except Isaac Mendez can paint and has more hair. But even he was trying to stop a nuclear explosion!

Now that I think about it, NEXT makes for a good pilot for a TV series. Maybe they could rename it THE 120 SECOND MAN? Or MR.TIVO:THE MAN WHO CAN AVOID GETTING STUCK IN BORING CONVERSATIONS.

Anyway, go watch it and tell me what you think. Your friendly neighborhood pirates should have copies already.

TRANSFORMERS: THE DRINKING GAME

For all you fanboys who’re planning to watch TRANSFORMERS more than once (I’d like to see it again), bring a bottle of tequila (or whatever it is you like to drink, preferable something with alcohol in it) and take a shot every time:
a) you see the GMC logo on screen
b) the character of Shia LaBeouf says, “NO!”
c) something transforms
d) you see Megan Fox because she’s so HOT she can give me a tune up anytime!

For better reviews of TRANSFORMERS, let me direct you to the following sites:
Jessica Zafra, Carlo Vergara, Marco Dimaano and Avid Liongoren, who used 19 exclamations points in his review!!!.

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